Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
