She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
