i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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