It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
