i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
