I don't think brook has ever known best
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize