I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
