so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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