Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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