Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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