I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
