Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
