Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
