You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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