Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
