I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
