Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
