You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
