sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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