3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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