well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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