hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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