Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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