make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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