oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize