you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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