This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
