We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize