You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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