In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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