Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
