They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
