she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
