the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
