we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I did not marry a roomba.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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