was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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