If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
