you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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