My friends, they love my intelligence
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize