guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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