look no pants
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
