I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
