So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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