i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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