Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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