Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
