no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
