Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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