the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
