his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
