she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i used baking grease as lip gloss
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
