This girl is more easily done than said...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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