Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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