I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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