you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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