Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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