the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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