it wasn't lemon gatorade
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
