1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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