Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
