she kept yelling 'call me bella'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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