Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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