oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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