She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
