i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
