I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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