Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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