I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
