weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize