I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
