Betty ford says i'm here all night
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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