Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
