Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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