Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hippo gnu deer
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
