a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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