my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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