When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
