Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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