And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
