She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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