He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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