This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
