I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
