also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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