Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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