Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
