My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
