More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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