We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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