I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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