Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
