Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
