you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
