i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
