Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
