im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize