I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
