All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
