i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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