We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
