so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
