my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Randomize
