I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
