Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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