Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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