Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
