please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
