You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
