You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
