we made out on top of his cat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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