you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
