not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
