I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
