Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize