I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
