i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
