Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
