Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
