By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
