Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
